Table of Contents
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When I’m Not Feeling My Most Confident
Confidence can be elusive, especially when you need it the most. It can have only a marginal relationship to facts or evidence, and can be toppled with a teaspoon of dissent. I admit I’ve been in a bit of an Insta-hole, watching people promote their books with the confidence of millionaires who know where their next millions are coming from.
I know the Socials are bad for everyone’s mental health, but I have been trying to look at what other people are doing to see what might feel like a fit for me to promote my book. And I’m looking at these people wondering where they are getting this enthusiasm from! (Insert note to self: Comparison is the thief of joy!)
What’s true is that I’m great at promoting other people but feel like a narcissistic asshole promoting myself. Or that’s a story I tell myself. Right now it feels like more of a confidence problem, or maybe it’s an I’ve-done-a-lot-of-things-but-I’ve-never-done-THIS-before challenge? Which is a confidence problem.
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It takes a lot of decisions, all of which require steadfast confidence in yourself, to get to the moment where you are promoting the book you have planned, written, rewritten, edited, pulled out your hair over, shared with early readers, woven in feedback, started telling friends about, started telling strangers about, and then getting on camera with enthusiasm to, hopefully, share your book with millions. It feels like a confidence marathon.
Right now, I’m living in a new country where I don’t know many people and my grasp on the language isn’t great, and where I was required to leave my 11-year job where I was respected a leader who knew 30 years of things and managed and mentored many…to come and take some risks in a place I don’t yet understand with my partner, kids, and all our pets–and it’s just really been a lot to hold together. And it’s hard not to feel small and uninformed. And I get my confidence from being around friends and loved ones who know and see me, it’s like my power-up plug in. That’s why I started the Co-Writing group. I love being around people and collaborating–it brings me to life! And there hasn’t been enough of that in my life recently, so… I’m a bit tender. And promoting my book feels like an Olympic sport that I haven’t trained for.
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Just Pretend
Sometimes my brain and my heart know that some things are true, but my body has the habit of not feeling it yet. Some of the best advice I ever got when I was feeling insecure was to PRETEND. Pretend I believed in myself and my abilities. Pretend I was the fucking best at my job. Pretend I was not intimidated by that group of people who held my livelihood in their hands, and disagree with them on major, people-impacting decisions.
When I create a shape for myself by pretending, then very often I can also step into that shape and fill it up until the pretending fades away.
When I create a shape for myself by pretending, then very often I can also step into that shape and fill it up until the pretending fades away.
I’m actively working on that shape this month—and actively trying to channel Dolly Parton’s easy confidence. My guess is that I’m not the only one going through this right now.
Start a Bragging Journal
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I recently read an article in Happinez—a Dutch magazine that recommended starting a bragging journal, and that for every negative thought, you need four positive ones to balance them out (email me for the psychology studies and sources if you want). So I started one. Here are a few things I wrote on my first day logging, a week ago Friday:
I made a cute first draft of the Cater to Me cookbook
I rescued my important prescription from the pharmacy 2 min before closing for the weekend in a storm in which I was almost knocked off my 50lb trike and it was hard and I did it.
I lifted weights when I didn’t want to.
I read a business book that looks really boring but actually wasn’t
I joined a business incubator and already made my first payment
A reminder: I wrote a whole ass novel
I already feel more confident. LOL. I’m just about ready to start my promo posts! Oh yeah… I think writing makes me more confident! That’s good information.
OK, if you are still reading, thank you for coming on this reflection with me. Here’s my question for you: What would you write in your bragging journal if you started today? Email me or comment.
Attention! I have a conflict this week but I look forward to seeing my co-writing buddies on 11/11
Next Co-Writing Wednesdays is 11/11!
(almost) Every Wednesday:
10:00 AM in California (PDT/PST)
1:00 PM in New York (EDT/EST)
7:00 PM Amsterdam time (CET)
Here’s the link to the GoogleMeet
Talk to you next week! ❤
xo Nova
P.S. I often write with Kate Schatz from 6-7pm Amsterdam time on Wednesdays (9am Pacific—her time zone) so I made it right after that so that I could just keep on truckin. If you don’t already know her, please go learn about her and her amazing contributions to the world.
